But I Promised
By Dr. Ron Mackey, Vice President, Community Engagement
Many years ago, when I first began working for Baptist Homes, I visited a donor who mentioned that his sister, who was struggling with dementia, had recently moved in with her son and daughter-in-law because living alone was unmanageable. He asked if he could pass along my contact information to his nephew. After a few weeks went by, I received a rather frantic phone call from the nephew.
The nephew was in a panic. Earlier that day, he had received a call from the local police informing him they had picked up his mother, who was found walking down a busy street barefoot and in her nightgown. As we discussed the details – he and his wife needing to work so mom was left home alone, her daily needs being more than he could imagine, and the stress of keeping her content in a strange new place – he became overwhelmed and began to cry. Amid his tears, he uttered a phrase I have heard repeatedly over the years, “I promised dad I would take care of mom and never put her in a nursing home.”
That promise, shared in various ways, always boils down to the same idea – don’t let me end up in a nursing home. That desire is completely understandable, and in many cases justified. There are many reasons for this sentiment. First, we all want to remain independent in our own homes and able to care for ourselves. Second, we’ve heard too many horror stories about nursing homes, and in recent years, we have seen countless advertisements warning us about those ‘dreaded places’. Third, we’ve made promises to loved ones that we now are struggling to keep.
One thing I have learned in dealing with my own aging parents and assisting others in the same struggle is that this is not a straightforward, logic-oriented process. Often the dilemma is necessitated by a health crisis and requires an almost immediate decision. The decision is complicated by the confusing array of possibilities with significant consequences, which can lead you to feel overwhelmed and disoriented.
Throughout this process, you need a trusted guide and friend to help you decide what is best. The Baptist Homes are here to assist you. On each of our campuses, competent, patient, and compassionate staff are there to listen, pray with you, and offer insight to address your questions and concerns. We know how difficult it is to travel this path. It is our calling to assist you in providing the best solutions for your loved ones.
You can reach us at the contact information below:
Baptist Homes of Adrian 816-297-8901
Baptist Homes of Arcadia Valley 573-546-7429
Baptist Homes of Ashland 573-657-0506
Baptist Homes of Ozark 417-581-2101
Baptist Homes of Shelbina 573-588-4175
Baptist Homes of Smithville 816-873-6500
Baptist Homes Tri County 573-594-6467
If you are facing that difficult decision of honoring your parents’ wishes while ensuring their safety and wellbeing, we are just a phone call away.
